My Second Attempt at Retirement

I had tried to retired in 2018, but rescinded it before its effective date.  I worked 3 more years. I wavered between my desire to continue my life's work and my desire to begin a different life. This experience helped me decide. On October 3, 202 I retired from a 41 year career in nursing. 

                                        A Time to Every Purpose Under Heaven 

Several weeks ago, I stood gazing over a stand of trees.  I saw new saplings, mature oaks and aged cedars.  They shared space, each having its own purpose.  Each uniquely beautiful, they stretched their branches to the sun. 

In the midst of the sea of green, I saw the grey skeleton of a dead tree, trunk leaning, bark stripped off, branches broken.  At first, I saw a dead, useless tree. 

But when I looked, really looked, I saw its beauty. I realized that time had not rendered it useless.  Instead, it had been re-purposed into ‘differently useful.’ 

Three young saplings reached for the sky, their roots buried in the earth, rich from the decay that lay at the base of that ‘worthless’ tree.  I watched as a woodpecker searched for a meal of grubs that lived there and laughed at a pair of squirrels who used it as part of their treetop playground. 

And then, the ‘Ah-ha’ moment.  Just as it is with that tree, it is with me. 

My roots are buried in the fertile soil of past generations.  I shared space with co-workers who became like family.  I gleaned passion from those who have gone before me and shared it with those who continue after. 

And because time slows for no one, I became a shadow of my younger self.  I struggled to retain my former vigor.  I wondered if I had accomplished my life’s purpose. 

I searched for beauty in the new, old me.  And through His Word, God whispered peace to my soul.  “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the sun.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 

I have transformed into differently useful.  It is as it should be.

My First Attempt at Retirement

                                     

I tried to retire in July, 2018.  The following is the letter of that intent. 

 I rescinded that retirement before the effective date and worked for three more years. 

In August of 1978, I turned 20 years old. In the 2 months previous, I had graduated with an Associate Degree in nursing, had started my first job as an RN and had gotten married. 

I wondered what I would do for an encore. 

During the dash between 1978 and 2021, I have worked

     11 years at Herrin Hospital

     11 months at Union Co Hospital

     29+ years at Memorial Hospital of Carbondale

     37+ years in Obstetrics

     16 years on the night shift

     39+ years in full time status

     2 years in travel nursing

     Certified in Perinatal Loss Care

     Preceptor for 46 OB nurses, and mentor for many more. 

But that’s just the facts of a lifetime career that, over time, became more of a ministry than a job. 

As I meander the memories accrued over the past 38 years, I realize that my encore is not one single ovation of accomplishment, but is made up of the multitude of intimate relationships forged in the fire of bedside nursing. 

There are video clips in my head. I see faces of patients for whom I have given care during their birthings, their dyings, and in all the struggles in between. Patients and families, who never knew, that in their most vulnerable moments, they had changed me, had made me better. 

There are snapshots of co-workers who worked on holidays, women and men who sacrificed bedtime stories and ballgames. These people became my family, and I became theirs. They helped me when I was weak; encouraged me when I was down, and celebrated when I succeeded. And I did that for them. Why? Because that’s what we do, it’s who we are. We are caretakers. 

It’s hard to leave a profession such as this.  As Ecclesiates 3:1 says: ”to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.”  My time here is done.  For months, I have wrestled with this decision, but I am finally at peace.  

Anne Mileur,  July, 2018